The holiday of affection

As I have mentioned before, I have no boyfriend, so obviously Valentine's Day is a touchy day for me.  I'm not one of those people who says they hate the holiday because of whatever bull-crap reason, and I'm not one of those people who wants others to be miserable. (If I suggest ruining the day for others, it's a joke, DO NOT TAKE ME SERIOUSLY)

I like Valentine's Day. I think it's a pretty holiday with a wonderful theme that no one really cares about enough.  I wish the love and affection that people show towards one another was not just reserved to one day, I don't mean, "Oh, my guy better buy me a diamond ring every damn day!" What I mean is, "Oh, he called me in the middle of the day to tell me how much he loved me! He's so wonderful!"

Sure I'm lonely and sure I don't like romance but that doesn't mean I can't wish happiness for everyone else.

Anyway, when my mom and I were shopping at Wal-mart today, we looked at the holiday candy aisle.  I asked for some dark chocolate that I can eat by myself tomorrow(for obvious reasons).

She asked me if I wouldn't rather wait until after tomorrow to get candy.

I thought, "Sure! We can get so much candy when it's on sale! However, I require at least 1 bag for tomorrow."

So she, being the wonderful mother she is, allowed me to pick whatever I wanted.  I got a bag of dark and milk chocolate.  Dark chocolate is the bee's knees!

So anywho,


HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!


P.S. If you are as lonely as me this Valentine's Day, I found a list to use to cope with your loneliness this holiday.
http://www.wikihow.com/Cope-With-a-Lonely-Valentine's-Day




P.S.S. Here's a Valentine for you.

The day I saved the world.

Warning: Foul Language Alert

You've been warned.

Remember that one day a year ago around October, when that old dude said the Apocalypse was the very next day?

No one believed him, including me.
However, the night before his proclaimed apocalypse, I received some math homework.  That by itself is nothing unusual, until you start to acknowledge the fact that my math karma fairy is a cruel bitch.

She usually does this; I complete my homework happily (teacher doesn't take it up), I don't do my homework (teacher demands it and gives double points for half of the questions).

So can you blame me for believing that a similar lose-lose situation was about to take place?
I imagined that it would go something like this; Do my homework (world is destroyed thus making my last hours on earth invalid), or Don't do my homework (the world lives to see another day so my teacher can be utterly disappointed in me).

I chose to save the world, even if it meant disappointing my math teacher.

You're all fucking WELCOME.

The Deer

Born to be wild.

One day, years ago, my family had gone to Applebee's.  When we were leaving, I took note of a motor-scooter with an oxygen tank strapped on the back of it.  I noticed it because it was actually parked in the carry-out parking space right by the door.

I kept my eye on this odd choice of vehicle even when we were settled in to the car.
And then it happened.

An old man came hobbling out of the Applebee's exit and sat himself on the scooter.  It was at this point that I poked my brother in the arm and pointed at the old man.

As soon as the man started.... (i don't know, "scootering"?) away, I began to sing "Born to be Wild".  This caused my brother and I to laugh uncontrollably as the old man scootered away, unaware to the fact that we were mocking him for driving a scooter.

Then our parents yelled at us to stop arguing because they thought we always argued.

That was a fun day.

(I would have made this a comic, but I was too lazy.) Maybe some other day.

Some stupid jokes.

A few months ago, my baby sister kept telling me "Knock, Knock" jokes.  So I decided I would entertain her by making my own joke.

When my brother and I were younger, we had fun by telling a certain stupid joke.  Don't worry, it's not dirty.

Indeed they are, of course, I would assume any sentence using the word "fight" would be "fighting words".
They could also be literal fighting words.

About a 9 on the Awkward scale.

I was at BFF-Forever's house for the New Year's celebration, when I decided it would be hilarious to randomly throw open her fiance's bedroom door to tell him to join the rest of us with the pizza.

So, yeah, that clearly had not gone quite according to plan, but at least he wasn't fully naked.
I would have needed eye bleach.

My Little Hell-raiser.

Two days before Christmas, we held the annual Christmas party at my house.  Thanks to that, I had the ability to invite my BFF-Forever and her fiance to the celebration.  


My BFF-Forever and I were in the kitchen talking as I put away some dishes before the guests arrived.  Her fiance was standing at the entrance to the kitchen while my baby-sister was running around him gabbing about her dolls, her accomplishments, and really anything she could think of.


And then, just as BFF-Forever and I paused in our speech, we heard this exchange.

To this very day I remain clueless as to where she could have heard something like that, and why she would say that anyway.  


I do not think this is the last time I will be mystified by my baby-sister's actions and thoughts.
Hopefully, she'll do something just as hilarious soon, so I can tell you all about it.